i think my tv is drunk
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
