you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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