yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
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I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
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It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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