At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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