Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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