then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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