I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
