TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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