Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
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You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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