but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
