youre lurking in front of me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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