you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
