come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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