mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
