I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
