Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
