4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
