then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
