the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize