Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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