Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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