Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
