Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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