2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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