Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
