Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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