the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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