I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
