Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
