at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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