i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
