I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
