I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
