Pappa wants mamma naked
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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