His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
