does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
