What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
