Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
