Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
