Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
