she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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