this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize