I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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