so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize