My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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