what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
