Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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