Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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