I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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