You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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