If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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