There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
