u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm getting married
To pizza
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
