There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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