Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
