What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
