After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
